It seems a contradiction to be feeling so sentimental (which conjures, for me, lolling about in memories) while at the same time living mindfully in the present, but that’s where I find myself these days. Straddling two worlds. Feeling separate – and swift – emotions about where I’ve been and where I am right now. (Does that make any sense? Or sound like a big ass serving of hocus pocus?)
I haven’t been running much, as I’ve mentioned more than a few times, but I also haven’t been too worried about it. To be quite frank, I won’t be upset if I don’t run the Portland Marathon. I still have aspirations to run a marathon, but I’m not going to beat myself up if it isn’t this fall.
I have bigger fish to fry, so to speak.
I’ll be sharing more details about that soon, but for the time being, it means I’m focusing on the following:
- Being active, whatever form that takes. Some days it means running just three miles. Others it means blasting music while on the elliptical, then following it up with strength training. And others it means walking around the block with a friend and stopping in a bar for a beer.
- Journaling, documenting and processing (even though I hate that word). Big changes are afoot, my friends! (Hehe, I’ve always wanted to say that.) And I don’t want to close my eyes or miss a moment. I’m writing a lot. I’m taking pictures. I’m letting myself feel what I feel (which is sort of different from the normal routine, where I try to push away the bad feelings). I’m finding the right things at the right time, like Patti Digh’s Project 137.
- Saying yes. At the risk of sounding super sappy, shit feels real right now. And I’m embracing that. I’m saying yes to all sorts of plans and adventures and shenanigans that would typically swallow up my poor introverted soul. But, guess what? It feels good. (And I’m remembering it’s okay to say no when I need to, and retreat to my bed for good books and blogging, like I’m doing now.)
- Getting enough sleep. This one’s more important than ever. With so much shifting and approaching, life feels really fast – and my head and heart are one big whirlwind of wwwoooooaaaaahhhhh. Sleep helps me face it with adequate (never enough!) energy.
- Being grateful. Whatever way I land (and I hope it’s up), I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have these new, exciting opportunities in front of me. I have good friends who are lending their ears and voices, and I’m totally equipped to handle whatever comes my way. I’ve got an enormous sense of confidence that I always sort of suspected was inside me, but that I never really owned before (sorry, this post is getting rife with clichés, ick), and it’s making me feel all head-buzzy and happy-dopey. If you see me walking around with a grin the size of a watermelon on my face, you’ll know it’s because I feel so damn grateful for my people and my circumstances and the risks I’m taking.
This post is sort of One Big Tease (the nerve of me, I know!), but I promise to talk more specifically about what I’m referring to soon. And, until then, I hope some of what I’m choosing to focus on these days also resonates with you in one way or another.
Share in the comments, if you like, or just write it on a little slip of paper and tuck it in your pocket. Sometimes it’s better that way.